Reproaches

I was not doing well two days ago and decided to do an attempt but instead I called a friend and spent the rest of the day with him. In the evening, the Police came home cause they heard that I wanted to commit a suicide. Don't know how they knew (probably my friend who worried too much before???). Anyway...

In my yesterday posts, I was saying that I no longer want to go that way (suicide attempt) and that I wanted to go through this situation and face it....

Guess what!? My wife reproached me today that I was doing too fine.... "How can you feel this way? Do you think it is normal that the Police comes home? How can you feel top shape?". I replied that it was not fair to reproach me that and obviously, her reply was that it is not a reproach. LOL.

I am not doing that well and her reproaches brought me down a bit. However, this time I am trying not to think about suicide anymore. I am trying to stick to my decision not to consider suicide as a solution and most importantly, not worry much about people who harm me (being my wife or anyone else). It is hard though.

I am trying to look at the future. I always try to ignore passed events. It does mean that these events are meaningless, but giving them too much importance won't help anyway.

How can she do that? I was doing ok this morning until she told me that...

Ignorance can kill.

Not me though.